Duh!

I know I am a smart person. I know I'm a bit above average intelligence. I think I can say that without being too conceited and without getting "smited by God" for lack of humbleness. There have been signs along the way that indicated I'm a smart girl. But, no amount of intelligence protects you from having "moments". You know, those moments ... when the lightbulb goes on and it is so glaringly obvious that you can't for the life of yourself figure out how you never saw it before. So, I had one of those moments yesterday.

We had this thing at our church on Saturday, a Back-to-school thing, service to the community thing, trying to meet the needs of parents of school-aged kids thing. I had signed up to help late in the day, but I told myself I would show up earlier than my assigned time to pitch in. However, trying to make myself leave the house was difficult. You see, we are selling our house. It's been on the market for about two weeks and I now live with the knowledge that anyone could show up at anytime with hardly any notice to see our home. Therefore, it is on me, and in my best interest, to keep it as clean as possible at all times. I must have my house in order or I can't leave the house. So, on Saturday, as I was telling myself I should leave for the church, I continuously had to remind myself that until my house was in order, I couldn't go. Plain and simple, no options, my number one priority is for my house to be in order. Period.

So, then jump to church on Sunday. There I am, having a great time in worship, singing away, minding my own business, and praising my God. When suddenly, there's that dang lightbulb, so glaringly obvious, destroying my moment of worship. It's hanging over my head and I know there wasn't a soul in the room who missed it. And of course, surely they were wondering how someone as intelligent as I didn't figure this out a looooooong time ago.

The revelation that was illuminated to me was this .... why don't I have the same standard when it comes to my spiritual life? Why I don't I require that my "house" be in order before I am allowed to leave the house (go out into the world) everyday? Why is it that I am able to walk out of the house day after day after day without having spent time with God getting myself prayed up and girded to face what may come? I know that it is in my best interest to have "my house in order", and yet, I have never required it of myself. I simply assume that sometime during the day, when I find time, perhaps at the end of the day, I will get around to it. Perhaps, if I don't run out of time doing all the other important things in my life, I will get my house in order. I guess it's all about priorities and it shows me that I've got some rearranging to do.

Still walking!

Soooo, .... after visiting this site recently I realized that I haven't blogged since January. Since this site was intended to be a way of journaling my walk, I feel the need to defend myself. I'M STILL WALKING!! Obviously I'm no better at blog-journaling than I was with the old-fashioned pen and paper. However, the good news is that my walk continues. I think there's an important lesson here for us. On the outside, it may look to us like someone is not walking with the Lord, not growing in the Lord, but only God and the person knows the truth.

I've got a few different things going on right now. I am in a small study group with 5 other women. We chose different things to study, not always the bible. At the present time, we are studying a book called Boundaries. It's a must read for everybody. EVERYBODY. Therapists recommend this book to practically every client. The authors are christians and there are scripture references throughout the book. It's more significant to my personal growth than my spiritual growth (as if they can be separated!). However, I was thinking the other day how much less conflict there would be within the church if all the church members were to read this book.

I'm also in a small sunday school class. This class is led by my husband when he's in town and myself when he's not. Right now, we are studying the book of Romans. Praise God he's been in town every Sunday and we are over half way through. But, this week we were studying from Romans, chapters 9 thru 11. I found two awesome verses that have stayed on my mind all week. They are Rom 9:17 ... I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be procalimed in all the earth! There it is right there, folks ... THE MEANING OF LIFE. Nothing else matters. Good stuff will happen in your life. Bad stuff will happen. Blessings, curses, tragedies, triumphs .... through it all, nothing matters but letting God's power be displayed and proclaiming His name.

Then the other, Rom 9:20 .... But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? How's that as an answer to all the dislikes of myself? When I question why I am the way I am, I am back-talking God!! And as we learned in the sermon this past week, when we back-talk God, he responds!!! Job 38:4 ... Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand!

So, you see, I am still walking. I'm walking and I'm growing and I'm loving how He's speaking to me through His word. I may not be the blogger I intended to be, but I'm thinking that's not really what He cares about. Just as long as every blog, no matter how far in between, proclaims His name.

'Tis the season!

In sunday school this week we spent some time talking about the 2nd chapter of Ephesians. Our pastor is preaching a sermon series on Ephesians and so our class is following up the sermon with discussion of our own. We have a small, tight-knit group in sunday school. We do a lot of sharing together. All of us have had our struggles at one time or another over the past year. We support each other, encourage each other, and sometimes just gripe to each other. We don't always get a whole lot of any particular lesson done, but it's not a bad thing. We're a family and we enjoy it.

So, this week the congregation was asked in the sermon to consider two questions. Have you experienced new life in Christ; have you been changed? Secondly, how are you working on God's behalf, in partnership with Him, to extend the family of God? As we talked about the first question, we found a common theme. We felt like we have times when we feel like we have a new life in Christ, like we have been changed and our whole outlook is different. But, then there are the times when we struggle, when we are stuck in a rut and see no end in sight.

My husband and I have been in one of these ruts for awhile. Since leaving my job last January to finish my master's degree, we have struggled. The first 6 months went okay. But, you know how it is when you have a plan in mind and the plan doesn't pan out like you thought it would. We had anticipated that I would be back to work by August or September, after I had graduated. Well, here it is, January, and I am working part-time, but far from the full-time salary I was earning last January. This has created financial stresses that weigh us down.

So, as we talked in class about how this has taken a toll on our spirits, I found myself using the words of a friend. My friend used to say to me "This is just the season I'm in." Well, on the drive home as I talked with my husband about our current situation and how it has affected our spirits, it came up again, "it's just a season we are going through".


I got to thinking about that. Now, I claim to be a New Yorker. Not by birth, just by memories. Ages 2 to 12 spent in New York state, the formative years. And being a New Yorker, a yankee, something that I frequently tell people that I miss are the seasons. All 4 of them! Down here in the south, we get such short springs and falls. My sister, who lives in New Hampshire, was visiting last April and went out for a run. Coming from such cold weather back home, she remarked after her run that she'd be out running every day if her weather was like this. I laughed at her, pointing out that in just 3 short weeks, that nice spring weather would be hitting 85 and 90 degrees. And pretty soon, we'd be miserable outside and living in our air conditioned homes and cars. That's what I hate about our summers here, too dang hot for too long!!

But, that's when it hit me. For a time, I love that hot weather. For a time, it feels awesome and I get excited about going swimming and outdoor picnics. You see, what I love about having 4 distinct seasons, is that there is something great about every season. There is beauty in every season. During the summer it is swimming and picnics. During the fall it's the beauty of the leaves and pumpkins and wooly bears. During the winter it is the the fresh blanket of snow and the 4 cardinals sitting in the bushes out my window. And during the spring it is the flowers, lightening bugs, and baby bunnies.

Yes, there is beauty in every season. Then it starts to get old. The days just become long and hot, too hot. The leaves fall and everything just looks dead and barren. The snow turns to slush and gets dirty and ugly. The spring rains that bring new life leaves the dog muddy and sends footprints through the house.

So, what are we to do when we have reached the point that we're still in the season but no longer happy to be there? What are we to do when we are in that rut and see no end in sight? We wait. We wait patiently and we have faith. For, in Ezekial 35:26 it tells us "I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing." And while we wait, ask yourself that second question, "How are you working on His behalf, in partnership with Him, to extend the family of God?" This is an important question. It's important because it tells us in Eph. 2:10 "For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life." Did you catch that? Did you ever think about it like that? God has prepared the good works ahead of time that He's waiting for me to do. They are out there, waiting to be noticed. So, while you wait, you take your eyes off of the dry dead grass, off of the lifeless trees, off of the dirty slush, and off of the mud and rainclouds and you start looking for the good works. Because they are in every season. And when we are focused on the good works that need to be done, the season changes and the showers of blessing come.

Resolutions

So, it's January, a new year, 2010. People are all abuzz talking about resolutions. The friend at work asks you if you made a New Year's Resolution. Talk shows, news programs, store displays, sale ads, ... there are reminders everywhere that we should be setting new goals.

I've done this in the past, set goals. Mostly, they've been about weight loss. My body, my health. Looking better and feeling better. But, in truth, they usually all boil down to self image. Liking my self. Do you like yourself? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? That's a hard thing for so many of us, to like what we see.

Recently, I was reading a Joyce Meyer book. It's called Battlefield of the Mind. I'm in a study group with 5 other ladies and this is what we are working on right now. Ironcially, no matter what I think about those 5 other ladies, I found out through this study that they think of themselves about the same way that I think of myself. Interesting, huh? So, in this book, Joyce is talking about peace. And she writes that peace is a fruit of the spirit. It tells us this in Galations 5:22. And then, Joyce points us to John 15:4, where it says that the only way to see fruit is by abiding in the vine. So, Joyce says, peace can't just be put on you, you can't just get peace, it has to grow because you are abiding in the vine.

I found myself intrigued by that thought and turned to those scriptures to learn more. And what did I learn? I learned what the other fruits of the spirit are ... love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and, ... AND, self-control. How about that? Self-control. So how many New Year's Resolutions have you made over the years that required self control? Losing weight, eating better, quitting smoking, drinking less, reading your Bible more, praying more, etc., etc., etc. Self control, baby! How many of us lack the self control to stick with our resolutions year after year. How many of us lack the will power to say no to so many things?

So, this is my new resolution, ... to abide in the vine. This year, 2010, I will not focus on losing weight, getting skinnier, fitting into that certain size, etc. This year, I will focus on living in Christ. Learning about Him, loving Him, knowing Him. And trusting that through Him, I will see fruit in my life. That is what this blog will be about. I've never been a successful journaler. I believe in the effectiveness of journaling, but never manage to pull it off (again, self control!). But, this blogging thing may be different. I'm going to give it a try and blog my journey abiding in the vine. I pray I see great fruit begin to grow.